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Youâve probably heard of getting ghosted by a romantic interest. One minute, theyâre love bombing you. The next ⌠crickets.
It turns out that many people act the same way toward their finances. Thinking about money is so stressful or overwhelming that they turn away from it, leaving statements unchecked and apps unopened for long periods of time.
âItâs easy to get caught up in a negative feedback loop where you know youâre under stress about your bills. You walk away to make it feel better,â says Steven Conners, founder and president of Conners Wealth Management in Scottsdale, Arizona.
The problem with financially ghosting yourself is that itâs easy to overspend, run up debt or create other financial problems when youâre not paying attention.
Hereâs how to quit ghosting your finances and get back on track.
Log in and look around
If youâve been avoiding taking a look at your bank, credit card and other financial accounts, set aside time to dig in.
Wanda Belle, an accredited financial counselor and founder of Belle Financial Services in the Atlanta area, suggests printing out statements when possible so itâs easier to comb through them.
âHighlight any expenses that surprise you,â she says. Belle encourages people to avoid judgment or shame. Focus on bringing awareness to the numbers.
Set some achievable goals
Once youâve reviewed spending from the last month or two, Belle suggests giving yourself a new goal for the coming months. Perhaps you want to decrease restaurant spending by $100, or keep online shopping expenditures under a certain limit.
âFocus on variable expenses because you have more control over them,â she says.
Those are the expenses that fluctuate each month like groceries, rideshares or eating out, and theyâre easier to cut back than fixed expenses like rent or car payments.
Take a look at the big picture
In addition to your spending, itâs helpful to dig into your overall money picture, including any loans, investments and other financial accounts.
Thatâs what Jason Bernat, president and CEO of American Financial Services, a wealth management company in Boardman, Ohio, does with clients when theyâve been ignoring their accounts.
âWe go over all the bills, loans and assets, and identify what causes the most stress,â he says. âThen we can work backward to decide where to start.â
That first step could be as simple as opening up a new retirement account or increasing contributions to an existing one.
It could also be identifying a lingering balance you know you need to pay off.
Dial down debt and ramp up savings
Since debt can be a major money stressor, Bernat suggests prioritizing paying down credit card debt with any savings generated from your spending shifts.
âPaying down debt will make everything else more manageable,â he says.
At the same time, you also want to save what you can. Building up an emergency savings fund can protect you from having to take on more debt in the event of an unexpected expense, like a car repair or medical bill.
Both paying down debt and building up an emergency fund can take time, Bernat says.
âDonât try to fix everything in a weekend. Pick one financial issue thatâs creating the most stress at a time.â
Calm your nervous system
If youâre resisting money management tasks because of the stress you associate with the experience, Conners suggests pairing your financial work with a physical activity.
âIâve learned that itâs easier to manage your emotions when you have a coping mechanism like working out, going to the gym or going for a long walk. You get the tension and anxiety out of your system,â he says.
In that calmer state, itâs easier to tackle difficult tasks, Conners says. If exercise isnât your thing, then another calming activity like watching movies, listening to music or knitting could work.
Put on your favorite jazz playlist while you pay bills, log in to your banking app while out on a walk, or grab your favorite beverage before making a budget.
Track your progress
With your fear of financial intimacy hopefully dissipating, you can keep a closer eye on your cash flow.
Document your spending and check in throughout the month to stay on track with your new goals, Belle says. After a month, review your new statement.
If you met your goals, pick a new category to focus on next month. If you didnât, commit to making other adjustments and try again.
âEither way, youâre more aware of where your money is going and more intentional about future purchases,â she says.
In other words, youâre controlling your finances instead of ghosting them.
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Kimberly Palmer writes for NerdWallet. Email: kpalmer@nerdwallet.com. Twitter: @kimberlypalmer.
The article Ghosting Your Money? How to Get Back on Track originally appeared on NerdWallet.